Sucked In

Hello all, I hope you all had weeks that were more fantastic than the thought of Conan the Barbarian singing "Let It Go!"

So this week I have two excitingly rad things for you all.

First, "Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor" was given a five star rating and review by Gary Stout of Readers' Favorite!

"I highly recommend Life is a Pirate Ship to anyone who can read. Seriously, whether you need an emotional lift, have nothing better to do, have something better to do but want to put it off, or you're just wondering if you're the only person in the world that seems to be a magnet for the bizarre, then you have to read this book."

For the full review go here! 

The second is that my good friend, Charissa Dufour, has released her first book, "Sucked In!"

For anyone who loves fantasy, vampires, humor and not taking things too seriously, you should grab a copy of this book! Of course, don't take just my word for it. Take it from Charissa herself who I snagged for a quick interview!

1. What inspired you to write this story? 

My husband and I were sitting on our back porch, making fun of Twilight, and one of us said “what would happen if Stephenie Meyer was suddenly turned into a vampire only to learn that vampires don’t sparkle.” A half hour later we had the bare bones of the plot. Many years later I had a finished book.

2. What sets your vampire story apart from other vampire stories? 

I think the main thing that sets my vampires apart from others is that they don’t take themselves very seriously. In many books, vampires are high drama, life-or-death sort of creatures, and while my characters find themselves in life-or-death situations, they generally laugh at their foes and smack them with car parts. This will be even more prevalent in Sucked Away, the second installment in the series.

Another key contrast between my story and others vampire stories, is that it’s not all about sex with these guys. They even talk about it. In fact, in Sucked In, there is not a single sex scene. This is a big change from most urban fantasy novels out there today. In our generation, sex sells. The saying is cliché because it’s true. I wanted to see if I could break that trend. But enough time has been spent on my soapbox.

3. How much of your character’s personalities are modeled after living people, and how much of them was fiction? 

I wish I could say something like “fifty-fifty” but that would be a lie. Pretty much any character worth mentioning is based after someone in real life. There are a few exception, but I leave that to the reader to figure out which ones are real and which are total figments of my imagination.

Even Ashley is a mix of me and our lovely Allison Hawn (hence the last name being shared).

Perhaps one of my favorite characters who is based off a real life person is Jordan. Jordan was my best friend in high school and supported my writing since the very beginning. I remember in high school, he would ignore the teacher so that he could read the latest chapter of whatever novel I was reading at the time. *shshsh, don’t tell my teachers* There was no question that he would appear in my book. Though the character Jordan doesn’t look anything like the real-life Jordan, there are some very key character traits taken directly from the amazing man I’ve had the honor of knowing.

4. You write a fiction-based blog. Can you tell readers a bit about that?  

So the wonderful Allison Hawn pushed and pushed me to start a blog. She can be a bit naggy. I tried a tradition look-into-my-life-and-opinions blog and hated every minute of it. I didn’t find my blog posts interesting, so why would anyone else? Much sooner than I’d like to admit, I gave up.

Insert more nagging.

Finally I took a plot line that had been simmering in the back of my mind ever since I took it out of an old draft of a book and turned it into a series of journal entries. Sometimes it is tough to write these journal entries in a way that bridges normal, descriptive fiction and how people actually write in journals—all feelings and emotions and whatnot—but I think it is working. Sometimes I struggle with holding myself back. I want to just spill all the plot out at once, because it is such a great story. Someday, I may turn it back into a book. We’ll see how things go.

5. If you had to pair your book to a song, what song would you choose? 

I know it’s lame to say “I don’t know,” but I really don’t. I even broke down and asked readers what they thought. Didn’t get many responses. So how about a song that I associate with myself, which sorta works since this book is a lot of me!

"Dirty Minds" by Here Comes the Mummies:

6. If you could give one piece of advice to aspiring writers, what would it be?  

Anytime I asked for advice, everyone just said “write what you know,” which I think is a bunch of baloney. Obviously, being a human who lives in the real world, I don’t know any actually vampires or werewolves or medieval knights or kidnapped women being sold into marriage with foreign princes (that’s my blog!).

So here’s my advice: write what you want to read! A book I hope to have out this summer started because I didn’t like how another author finished their plot. Through many rewrites and much hair pulling, I ended up with a creative, original plot. This coming book is now one of my favorite, best written pieces of fiction. It didn’t start with a very noble beginning, but beginnings seldom are. 

7. How does it feel to have your first book out and available? 

Unlike most authors, I didn’t have a build up to it, I didn’t do the week of “it’s almost here” or “coming soon.” I went to poke around the Amazon self-publishing options and the next thing I knew I was hitting the “publish” button. It was kind of a shock for me and everyone else, and therefore I think I’m still in shock.

It just hasn’t set in that people are actually out their paying to read my words, fabulous as they are!

8. If you had to choose between fighting a rabid wolverine using only a block of cheese or being stuck in a room listening to nothing but the sound of iced tea being stirred for thirty-six hours straight; which would you choose and why? 

While fighting a wolverine with a block of cheese would make a better story after the fact, I think I’d choose the iced tea. The clinking of ice isn’t that annoying. It is survivable, even if it would give me a headache. Fighting a wolverine could be dangerous. What if it chewed off my fingers and I couldn’t write anymore—no thanks!

Don't forget to pick up your copy of "Sucked In" today! 

As always, if you need to track me down, I can be found on Facebook, Twitter (@Allison Hawn) and Goodreads!  

Weapons for Everyone!

 Hello all! I hope you have all had a better week than a thought of Game of Thrones: The Opera!

"Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor" has been out for nearly a month now, and so far the feedback I've been getting from readers has been awesome!

In her review reader Charissa said, "Even better than her first book. A group of real life stories that will keep you giggling all day long!"

Your very own copy of "Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor" is only one Amazon click away!

Well, for those of you who don't know, I transitioned jobs about three months ago. I am now the Security Coordinator for the largest homeless shelter and drop-in center in Spokane.

What does that mean? Basically, I'm the floor case manager. I keep everyone calm and and spend a majority of my time doing emotional triage.

For instance, this past week I got in the face of gang banger, who was at least a foot taller than me, and told him if he didn't behave I would make sure he didn't get cake for a week, and then reminded him where he could get a voucher for a new ID.

He sat quietly for the rest of the day before he went to go get his new state ID.

One aspect of my job that I have to check in or confiscate any and all weapons that I see. So far the items piled up in my office have been fascinating, and often at the end of the day I find myself pondering the life choices that I made to end up sitting with half of a skateboard under my desk.

How strange are the items I end up with? Here, check it out for yourself, and believe me this is not even close to an extensive or complete list:

Sword - I originally thought the sword was a fake plastic one until I picked up and realized, nope, that's a real sword. The super delusional person who it belonged informed me that it could magically keep away, "Communists and prosthetic chicken leg salesmen."

Hat Rack - Because why not bludgeon in style?

Knife Carved Out of a Salad Tong - "Hey, why do you have a salad to-- Is that a knife!?"

The Leaf From a Table - Somewhere there is a person whose table will forever only be able to seat four people, never six.

Glitter and Rainbow Paint Covered Metal Rod - At least this person wanted to bring some joy to the world with his deadly weapon.

Chainsaw - "I don't care that it's out of gas! You can't bring it in here!"

Crossbow - Again, not a toy, but an actual bolt shooting crossbow. No, I have no clue how this person obtained a crossbow. What I do know is it got to sit in my office for a good long time.

The Duck Mace - As in a metal rod that someone had tied a string to and on the other end of that string was a rubber duck. I wasn't going to let someone go medieval with a duck mace.

The Handle to a Lawn Mower - We have no idea where the rest of the lawn mower is, and to be honest we don't want to know.

A Can of "Fresh-Laundry" Scented Febreeze - It was used to both mace people and bludgeon them, but left them smelling fresh and clean!

All in all, the job is going fairly well, chainsaw aside. Does anyone else have any fun work confiscations they'd like to share?

Remember you can always find me on Facebook, Twitter (@AllisonHawn) and  Goodreads!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

Hello all! I hope you have all had positively magical weeks thus far! 

I do have just a couple of quick reminders before we dive into today's post. For all of you in the Boise area, I will be having a book signing on Friday, June 13th at Hyde Park Books!

Also, I just started a new mini-blog called Case (Un)Managed about life in the social work and helping professions fields that is being updated approximately every other day!

This week we are joined by David Meredith and his book "The Reflections of Queen Snow White."

David Meredith's "The Reflections of Queen Snow White" is an interesting and fresh take on a familiar story. 

Set years after the events that we all know from our childhood Disney retelling of the classic fairytale, readers find Snow White looking back and facing her life in a revealing way. Meredith portrays a much deeper character than the singing, frolicking, conversing with woodland creatures one that most people picture when Snow White's name is mentioned. 

The book takes readers on a tour of Snow White's past, exploring her relationships with the dwarves, her subjects and especially Prince Charming in a real and emotional way. I particularly appreciated that Meredith did not portray Snow White as a perfect princess, in his work she definitely has her human flaws.

I also found it interesting that the author painted Snow White's marriage to Prince Charming as an almost political move. While the story is still romantic, it does bring a different edge to it.

This dramatic account as Snow White looks deep into herself from the very mirror that was used by her enemy will keep readers turning pages. Fans of the mini-series "The Tenth Kingdom" and the T.V. show "Grimm" will love this book.

And here is what the author has to say for himself!

When did you start writing and what prompted that start? 

I guess I’ve always had a little bit of the writing bug. As far back as elementary school I was writing stories on notebook paper in pencil and binding them together with marker-decorated shirt boards. 

I wrote a lot of crappy fan-fic and horribly cliché poetry in middle school and high school and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to see any of that early work now, but those were important steps in developing as a writer. 

I guess the reason I have pursued it for so long though is that I’ve always felt like I had these stories bubble up inside my brain that needed to come out – things that would stay stuck in my head until I got them down onto paper. I think what finally convinced me to publish though was frustration. 

 

I had written several other novels before "The Reflections of Queen Snow White," but gotten nowhere with traditional publishing. I had gotten into this pattern of submitting my materials, waiting for months, and then getting yet another form rejection letter. When I did get feedback it was generally good. The few editors who took the time to write me a personalized response seemed to like my work, it just wasn't what they were looking for - didn't fit neatly into their predetermined slots. 

I decided to publish my work myself and take it directly to the public and so far, it has worked out well - "The Reflections of Queen Snow White" is closing in on 100 ratings on Goodreads and enjoys a 4.04 star average. 

Why did you choose Snow White as the focus for your book? 

On the one hand, I realize she might seem a little cliché at first glance - after all the Disney version of Snow White is iconic and there have been countless riffs and re-tellings. She is one of the first characters we think of when we hear the words "faerie tale princess". Who doesn't know Snow White? 

However, I felt like the intimate familiarity we all have with her really helps the reader connect to her older self. Much like an old friend I haven't seen in years, I sill care about her. Also, in reading the original Grimm faerie tale, there is a lot of really interesting darkness that I've tapped into for The Reflections of Queen Snow White. I think it helps elevate the level of drama and emotion in the story. 

 

You spent nearly a decade teaching English in Japan. Did you experience a sort of reverse-culture shock on your return to the United States? 

I Might Be The 8th Dwarf

 I did actually. In fact, the reverse culture shock was worse than the culture shock I experienced after I got to Japan. I think that might have been because I wasn't expecting the reverse culture shock, but there were lots of adjustments I had to make when I moved back to the US for good. 

For one thing, people struck me as being really loud and rude when I first returned, because I had gotten so used to the more reserved Japanese communication style. Also, I was amazed by the number of really large people I saw everywhere. Obesity is relatively rare in Japan. 

Probably the most difficult thing, though was that I had just gone through this amazing, life altering experience, gotten a more expansive view of the world and my place in it, and as a consequence really scrutinized and reevaluated many of the core beliefs and attitudes I had held before I left, but everyone who had been close to me - friends, family, old acquaintances - expected me to be exactly the same. 

I had moved forward and changed, but they had stayed the same. I still cared about them of course, but I had a lot of trouble relating to them like I had before. That was actually kind of sad and a little traumatic - some of those relationships never quite as close as they had once been. 

What was your favorite part of this book to write? 

In terms of what I found the most fun, I think it is the sequence when Charming is forced to mediate a truly stupid dispute between one of his nobles and one of Snow White's nobles. Without giving too much away, I'll just say that it works as a good break in the drama (a little comic relief), and was a lot of fun to write. 

In terms of what I think is the most impactful writing, I really like the funeral sequence. I think it vividly illuminates Snow White's mental state and is intensely relatable to anyone who has gone through a similar experience of loss and grief. 

Did you find yourself struggling to create a magic mirror with a personality? 

I don't think I struggled really, but I did give it some careful thought. The mirror in both the Disney version as well as the Grimm Faerie Tale is not developed very much as a character, but at the same time comes off as something sinister. I wanted the mirror to play a more proactive role in "The Reflections of Queen Snow White," but at the same time come off as less villainous. 

I suppose I view the mirror simply as a tool - a powerful tool, but still just a tool, the impact of which is determined by the intentions of the user. Just like a knife can be a good when you use it to cut up food for dinner, it can be an evil if you use it to stab someone to death, but the knife itself is really neither good nor evil. It's just a knife. 

In much the same way, I envisioned the mirror as being neutral and even a little sympathetic. After all, it was misused for years and secreted away by a narcissistic sociopath then abandoned in a storage room for decades more. In a way, you could argue that the mirror is just as abused as Snow White. 

I had a soundtrack playing in my head for much of this book. Was there any music in particular that inspired you? 

For this novel, nothing in particular, but I will admit to listening to a whole lot of movie sound tracks on Pandora as I wrote it. I think I tended to gravitate toward epic scores - for example the music of Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, etc. 

If you had to decide which of the fairytale step-mothers or adoptive mothers (of which there were a prolific amount) was the most evil, who would you choose?
 

Snow White's is pretty bad. After all, in the original Grimm story she not only tells the huntsman to bring Snow White's heart back in a box to prove that she is dead, but also directs him to bring back her lungs and liver so that the queen can have them cooked and served to her for dinner. 

I do make it clear that she is horribly abusive and self-absorbed, but I don't think I take Arglist quite that far in "The Reflections of Queen Snow White." Even though she is admittedly a horrible human being, I also try to help the reader understand her insecurities and motivations to better comprehend her obsession with Snow White. 

If you're interested in "The Reflections of Queen Snow White" it can be found on  Amazon.

As always, you can find me on Facebook, Twitter (@AllisonHawn) and Goodreads! 

How is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?

Welcome one and all to yet another week spent in this circus we call life! I hope your weeks were all more like that of the ringmaster and less like that of the lion tamer!

Part of being an author is that I often have people send me their own books, manuscripts or ideas. I love it! I get to read a plethora works in so many different genres. However, there have been several that have been sent to me that I have had to send back and honestly say, "This could use a little more (or a dump truck load's worth) work."

I've now had a couple of different writers ask that I put together a list of overarching writing tips for those wanting to produce good material. So here you are, your very own list of how to be a better writer.

Excitement! Excitement! Excitement! Nothing.

1. The climax should not be the end of your book.

Yes, I realize that there is such a thing as a cliffhanger ending. However, if you read a book series that does cliffhanger endings you will notice that the end of the book has at least some sort of wind-down.

To have a book that is moving along and then suddenly jerks to a halt oftentimes leaves your readers feeling like a dog that decided to run off without realizing the length of its own leash.

2. Plese spell chalk,, and make sure your grammer is gooder! 

Was that sentence hard to read? You may laugh, but I cannot count the number of times I have received a "final manuscript," or even a book (oftentimes self-published), that I could barely make it through the first page due to all the errors.

I would also like to point out that just running the in-program spell-check is only good to a point. A fellow writer friend, Charissa Dufour, loves to talk about the danger of Commonly Confused Words (CCW's). Your spell-check program really cannot tell which witch is which, that's your responsibility.

You are not being sneaky stealing plot devices!

3. Do not steal major plot devices (or entire plots) from already published bestselling works.

Huh, you have an Australian wizard named "Barry Totter" who goes to a magical boarding school where he will inevitably face off against an evil, undead, wizard named "Voltebart."

No, I'm sure no one will ever try to compare your story to the most famous fictional wizard since Gandalf or Merlin. As long as your readers have literally been living in a shack in the middle of the woods somewhere for the last decade and a half, then I'm sure they will find your material new and exciting.

4. Dialogue should sound like actual people talking. 
 

It's the only explanation.

Have you ever watched one of those commercials where there are two women talking about dish-detergent like it is their life's greatest accomplishment that they found a brand that doesn't leave residue on their dishes? Do you wonder whether they had a frontal lobotomy or are just from a different planet as they gush about soap? I do.

Read your dialogue out loud to yourself. If it sounds like a scene from a 1980's action movie or a 1950's sitcom, rewrite it. If your characters sound stilted and stagey then no one will buy into your story, no matter how amazing your dish-detergent is.

5. Readers should be able to tell your characters apart.

No one was sad when they blew up.

In the same vein as making your dialogue sound like actual people, remember that no two people are exactly alike.  Readers need to believe that your characters could be real people with emotions, unique backgrounds and their own life experience.

If they all read like they could be part of the Borg, thinking alike, acting alike, all going for the same goal for the same reasons, then readers won't care when they die in a fiery explosion. Make your readers give a crap about your characters, don't make them all linguistic clones.

6. Do not marry yourself to your first draft.

Part of being a writer is having the humility to know that you're not going to get it right the first, second or maybe even the thirtieth time.  I do not care how brilliant you think a manuscript, chapter or line is at the time you write it. I have written tons of things that when I first penned them I thought, "I am going to be the next Tina Fey!" only to later read it and go, "Okay, so actually I'm more like Elmer Fudd."

Always be willing to edit, rewrite, get a second opinion or even scrap something.

7. Covers should not be designed using Clip-Art.

DO NOT USE THIS STUFF

 I really have nothing against people who decide to self-publish books. However, if you are going to self-publish a book, remember that your cover should not look like a Powerpoint slide that I made when I was fourth grade.

I know I am not a talented designer or an artist, which is why I will never attempt to design a book cover for myself. I cannot count the number of covers that I have seen (that I will not post here because I'm not that mean) that look like a terrible Word-Art and Photoshop mash-up. If your cover is unprofessional and could be replicated by a four year old with access to Paint, no one is going to take your book seriously, so just stop.

I'm sure that there are tons of other things I could talk about, but that's all she wrote for now. There will probably be a part two at some juncture.

If you have any writing questions or your own writing tips, please feel free to post them in the comments below!
 
I just wanted to say a quick thank you to the Amazon reader of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" who posted this five-star review:

"Miss Hawn's book is one of the best works I've ever had the privilege of reading. It is truly a testament to one of the most interesting people I've met and what life looks like through her eyes. I've recommended this book to some English teachers I know as it is engaging and written in a way that makes it difficult to put down or to smother one's laughter."

As always, feel free to find me on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!