Challenge Accepted!!!

Hello ladies, gentlemen and anyone from beyond the veil who has decided to drop in. I hope you are all having a splendiferous Monday (which I realize is an oxymoron, but come on people, let's not all be Garfields here).

I was asked a very interesting question this week about "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" that I felt I just had to answer. The question was, "Aside from being something to read, what other uses could your book serve?"

Immediately I ran to my secret laboratory (a.k.a. my living room) and began testing the book's usefulness in various aspects of daily life.

There were quite a few failures.

For instance, the book does not taste good and has very few nutritive properties.

Even with the addition of blackberry jam, which I adore, it was still practically flavorless, and I couldn't saute it in oil, because it kept bursting into flames.

It also fails to make a smashing hat for a cat (see Santeria the Destroyer modeling below).

Several Band-Aids later, and appointments made for both of us to see therapists, Santeria and I agreed that that was a poorly thought through venture.

Apparently, it doesn't make appropriate work attire either.

Prudes.

However, not all of my experiments were failures. For example, there are a few blank spots, like on the title page and publication page, in which one can draw Godzilla attacking a random city.

I know, my artistic abilities astound even myself some days (there's a reason I write instead of illustrate). 

You can also use it as your own private desk fort, from which you can glare at passersby that you don't wish to chat with.

I dare anyone to attack my personal fort with anything less than a catapult built from a spoon loaded with spit wads!

Then of course there is its ability to repel evil in all its forms. Sadly, I could not find any evil in my apartment that I could dramatically battle in front of the camera using my book (I didn't have any goblins, clowns or Justin Bieber fans handy). So, instead I give you this picture of She-Ra, and give you permission to use your imagination to make my dramatic point.

There, question answered! 

In other news "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" is getting some awesome reviews from readers (and I didn't even have to threaten them with large sticks to get them).  

One Amazon reader wrote: 

"I love the light hearted humor in this book. I picked it up to read a couple lines and couldnt put it down. The author has a witty and quirky way of writing that is refreshing and very creative. I am very glad I ordered this book!"

Edmund C. McCombs (Author of "Stuck at Seven (While Awkwardly Aiming for Ten)" (which is an awesome book in its own right, follow the link if you need extra material to add to your reading stack) wrote:

"This book is a whimsical riot. Allison tours you through some of her life's more interesting and exciting moments by revealing the inappropriateness that walks in and out of her life on, what appears to be, an all-too-often basis. Her writing style is engaging and she uses very descriptive and well thought out phrases. I recommend it to anyone looking for a laugh as you walk hand-in-hand with Allison through the awkward fields of her life. Well done!"

Aww shucks! *Looks down, blushes, kicks dirt with toe.* Thanks guys!

Well that's all I have for now. As always feel free to follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest! Have a lovely evening everyone!

Tweakers and Thank Ya'll!

Hello everyone (including, but not limited to, humans, animals, aliens, ghosts and/or extremely cognitive spaghetti)! I hope you are all having a lovely week!

"Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has been out on Amazon for five days now! Nab your copy today! Also, for more frequent updates, feel free to check out my Facebook Page (Facebook Me!), my Twitter (Tweet Me!), my Goodreads (Erm... Goodreads me?) and my Amazon author page (Look Shiny! )!

Before I get into today's topic of tweakers, which is near and dear to my heart, I have a few words of thanks that I feel are forthcoming.

First, thank you to editor Craig Hart and Sweatshoppe Publications for letting my book see the light of day. To Paul Brand and Anthony Carpenter as well for putting this fantastic piece of design and artwork together for the cover, thank you.

A big thank you to Robin Harmon, who sat down with me for a few hours and said, "No, honey, don't do that. This is how you publicize something," before hijacking my pages for a bit and showing me how to make things work as I sat there staring like a monkey stares at a math problem. And thanks also to Mary W. for editing the first manuscript for me, as I simultaneously edited her work by drawing little dinosaurs eating misplaced words.

I'd like to say thank you to all the friends and family who have supported me throughout the years. My book wouldn't exist without you (and some of your actions)!

Finally, a hearty, haggis-consuming, kilt-sporting Scottish thank you to all of my readers, reviewers, constructive criticizers and people who have popped in to say hello and who have shown interest in my book! You guys are the bee's knees (or maybe the elk's ankles if that's any better?)!

Now for something completely different.

So, before I dive into the topic of tweakers, I should probably explain why they are a big enough facet of my life to garner a mention in the title.

My day job, when I'm not battling crime or causing mischief involving kittens and espresso, is that I work as a mobile outreach worker with homeless and at-risk youth. Basically, I do everything a social worker would do in an office, but I do my job on the streets, in shelters, under bridges, in the mall... etc. Basically, I get to help kiddos and throw fruit snacks at gang bangers!

In my job you often have to choose between laughing and slamming your head in the microwave door. I choose to laugh. I have probably lost too many brain-cells already, so I had better reserve the microwave door option for more drastic times.

One area that I derive some enjoyment from is the conversations I have with tweakers. For those who don't know, tweakers are those on drugs that tend to "twitch" or "tweak" and often have some of the most fascinating theories/advice/philosophies on life. This week, has been full of fun little tweaker-isms, so I thought I would share a few here today.

However, before I start, I feel that this is totally apt and germane to the conversation.

This has been a special week for tweakers all over Spokane, Washington. I'm not sure what holiday they are all celebrating, but they have been coming out of the woodwork to provide me with everything from advice to theories of how my brain is going to be eaten by tiny gnomes. Also, one tried to present me with a balloon animal made from condoms. I declined, it wasn't a platypus.

For instance, I had one very high individual approach me two days ago and inform me that, "Tiny alligators are messing up my life."

I blinked a couple times and replied, "Well, I'm not sure if we can get an exterminator for that or not."

He looked really bummed out before saying, "Damn, oh well, at least they have some good jokes."

Then, as I was walking around trying to find some of my clients, I passed by a dumpster and looked over to see two eyes poking above the edge. "Hiya!" the dumpster said to me.

I did a little finger-wave hello, and moved on. When I came back ten minutes later the dumpster with eyes was musing to itself out loud, "Yes, well that other one looks much more comfortable."

I looked over, and right across the alley was another dumpster. I walked down to the end of the alleyway and waited.  Sure enough, a few minutes later the dumpster-dweller hopped out and scurried over to the other dumpster and began examining it like prime real-estate. He popped open the lid, looked inside before saying, "Nope!" and scuttling back to his original spot.

I'm not entirely sure what made that dumpster less desirable than the other one, but he rejected it like someone fed him burned kale on top of a can of expired sardines.

Probably my favorite tweaker moment of the week however, was this woman who I passed by on Monday. She was having a very animated conversation with herself. As I wandered her direction she made eye contact with me, so I said a simple, "Hello."

She turned, pointed, and in the voice of someone scolding a small child yelled, "Don't interrupt peoples' conversations! It's rude!"

I just smiled, "You're right, I should have read Miss Manners more growing up," and I made a hasty departure.

At least my life is never boring?

So what about all of you? Have you had any fun conversations with someone lately? I'd love to hear about them!

Well, that is all I have for now. Continue to check in because the clairvoyant part of my brain tells me there will be a contest coming up soon! Toodles!

Look! Something Shiny!

Good morning friends, readers and anyone else who happens upon this page while attempting to find pictures of adorable cats!

I received this yesterday and was just so darn-tootin' excited that I had to show you all!

Look my, up until now, naked book has a cover!

Thanks to the marvelous design by Paul Brand and the talented artistry of Anthony Carpenter, no one has to simply look at a boring white title page when my book is released on May 20! Instead they can feast their eyes upon this eclectic work of art that is sure to simultaneously delight and bewilder the masses at large!

Thank you both for your hard work and willingness to join me in the land of the weird!