War is Upon Us... Oh, and There's a Contest Too!

Well happy June all of you warm weather loving folks (if you don't like warm weather, shush and move to Antarctica)!

First things first, remember that book that I drew a picture of Godzilla (or at least attempted to draw Godzilla) burning down a random city in? You know, this one:

Well now you have a chance to be the owner of that exact copy of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" via a little contest starting today!  I will also be signing and dedicating the copy to the winner before I entrust it to the U.S. Postal Service to deliver it right to the winner's door!

So how do you get entered for a chance to win? Well it's actually very simple to get yourself in the running, hop on over to my Facebook Page and "Like" my author page. Then, find the post announcing this contest (it will be really close to the top of the feed) and click the "Share" button on that post and let your friends know about the contest too!

Only those who both like my author page and share the contest post with their friends will be entered (you can't just like my page and then try to keep the contest all to yourself, be nice to your friends and share, your kindergarten teacher taught you better than that). That's all there is to it, so go out there and click the two little buttons that will get you entered to win your very own signed copy of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus!"

In other news, June 8th I will be at Monkeyboy Books in downtown Spokane from 1 to 3 pm for a book signing! Don't have a copy yet? That's ok, because Boo Radley's has just started carrying "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" in their store! Check it out (and yes, I know the camera on my chunky old phone takes pictures just about as well as a 2 year old with a disposable camera):

Isn't that spiffy?

Well, my job working with street involved and homeless youth often times means I get to meet some... shall we say, characters?

One such character approached me this week looking for food. He looked deep into my eyes and said, "You know that there is a war going on in downtown Spokane, right?"

I just kind of smirked and said, "Oh? And who is fighting this war? And would you like a sandwich?"

He stared more deeply into my eyes and loudly announced, "How can you not see the angels, demons and aliens, they are fighting in the clouds right now!!!"

I'm not sure if this person was just trying to follow George Lucas' "Indiana Jones" train of thought (three super successful movies based in religion, then you switch to hokey looking aliens just because you had set pieces left over from Star Wars, really George, come on!?), but looking up I did not see any such entities battling for domination of Spokane, Washington.

I just blinked at the man for a second, not really wanting to confirm or deny his delusion of cloud battling creatures. That was when he noticed something.

I have several tattoos (and by "several" I mean if I'm wearing a tank top I probably would remind someone of a 1930's painted lady), and the largest and most noticeable of them is a chest piece of a wonderful angel (artistically designed and implemented by Em at Talon Tattoo). I was wearing a tank top that day.

My new information sharing friend saw my tattoo and his eyes got wide enough that I probably could have driven a military Hummer leading several obese elephants through his gaze, "You're one of them!!!"

I just continued to blink for a second until he gasped out, "You're one of the angels!"

I sighed, "I'm guessing you're not a huge fan of the angels then?"

"No! They are beating the aliens, and I like the aliens."

So for my more visual readers, he was concerned that this:

 was going to beat this in battle:

I took a deep breath and said, "Ok... Well despite the fact that I'm an "angel," would you like a sandwich or not?"

He peered at me suspiciously, "But then the aliens would know if I took aid from an angel."

"Well, I won't tell them, plus if you eat the sandwich then all the evidence will disappear."

He peered at me some more then said, "Ok, I'll take the risk," and he snatched the sandwich out of my hand and skittered off down the street.

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why aliens, angels and demons would be so intent on fighting over Spokane. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this city, but our biggest attraction is that we have the world's biggest 3-on-3 basketball tournament here every year. It's not like we're really that desirable of a place to invade and control. Maybe Hoopfest is just that important to the world beyond our own?

In any case, at least I'm beating the aliens right?

So, a question for my readers, if there were a war between aliens, angels and demons, who would you put your money on?

Well don't forget to head over to my Facebook Page to enter yourself to win a special signed copy of "Life is a Circus Run by a Circus!" Feel free to also follow me on Twitter and Goodreads!

The Smorgasbord Post

Hello all! I hope everyone's day is going better than the thought of a thousand purple gorillas performing a rendition of "Hamlet" set to cabaret music!!!

So today's post is a bit of a conglomeration of things, a Franken-post if you will.

First, "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" has been released onto the Kindle! Check it out all you digital reading fans!

I also just planned my first ever book signing at Monkeyboy Books on Saturday, June 8th from 1 to 3 P.M. If you happen to be in Spokane, come say hi and get your copy of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" signed!!! (If you're extra nice, I might even attempt to draw you a dinosaur, or a sheep, or something that may end up resembling both a dinosaur and a sheep.)

In any case, if you've never been to Monkeyboy Books, you should definitely take a gander at it. It has to be one of the most adorable, cozy, little bookshops I've wandered through for quite some time.

See, doesn't that just look cozy as all get out? Also, the shop owner, Marina, was gracious enough not to call for the Mental Health Professionals when I found a copy of "Robin Hood" in her shop and did a very excited, partially coffee induced, happy dance. 

So in my perusing of the literary world, I ran into a funny little book that I feel deserves some mention.

Edmund McCombs' book "Stuck at Seven (While Awkwardly Aiming for Ten)" not only has the best picture of an absolutely horrified little kid on the front of it, but is a very frank, unashamed collection of short stories that many people can relate to. Covering everything from schoolyard bullies to bad bosses, Edmund's stories will make you chuckle as he takes you from one awkward situation to the next.

In other news, I really, really, really want one of these:

 I know that has nothing to do with the price of pie, but I spent a lot of time thinking of all the places, things, people, I could run over in one of those.  Wouldn't it be fantastic to to go down a hill in one of these?

Anyways, this is probably a sign that Friday has officially eaten my brain and I should stop writing. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!


As always feel free to follow my swashbuckling exploits on Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads!!!

It's Out!!!

Hello ladies, gentlemen and any possible resurrected dinosaurs that I'm hoping exist! I have exciting news! My book, "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus," was released early and is available now!

That's right, by clicking on this handy-dandy link (Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus) the internet (which is steered and controlled by gremlins) will whisk you away to the enchanted land of Amazon.com where, as of this morning, the book magically appeared!

Yes, I am just as surprised as all of you, as I thought I would have to continue giving you little fortune cookie-esque hints about the book until the printing presses could churn out the final copies. Apparently, however, the printing presses the publishing company uses were given the machine version of caffeine, and so the book is out now!

As always, I want to hear from you all. Feel free to leave me questions, comments, existential quandaries here, on my Facebook page (Facebook Me!) or via Twitter (Tweet Me!).

Look! Something Shiny!

Good morning friends, readers and anyone else who happens upon this page while attempting to find pictures of adorable cats!

I received this yesterday and was just so darn-tootin' excited that I had to show you all!

Look my, up until now, naked book has a cover!

Thanks to the marvelous design by Paul Brand and the talented artistry of Anthony Carpenter, no one has to simply look at a boring white title page when my book is released on May 20! Instead they can feast their eyes upon this eclectic work of art that is sure to simultaneously delight and bewilder the masses at large!

Thank you both for your hard work and willingness to join me in the land of the weird!

Idaho, Answers and News! Oh My!

Good evening ladies, gentlemen and any magically literate insects who might be buzzing about.  I hope everyone is having a marvelous Saturday!

I have been receiving quite a few comments and questions regarding my book, Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus, which is set to be released next month. In fact, I just sent back the final draft of the manuscript with my personal seal of approval today!

First of all, thank you all for your wonderful comments and support, it truly warms my heart more than the thought of kittens in mittens delivering hot chocolate. You are all fabulous!

There have been quite a few questions swirling around the upcoming book, and quite a few of them have had a common theme. So to dispel any confusion and kill about 40 birds with one keyboard, I wish to provide some answers to the most frequently asked questions I have received.

> Will there be a e-book format of the book offered?

Yes. The print version of the book itself is set to be released on May 20, and the e-book version should be available through Amazon.com within the next couple of weeks. It will also be released through Barnes and Noble and Ingram's in the following weeks as well.

> Will it be available for pre-order? 

Sadly no, but the book will be available in less than a month!

> Would you be willing to have book readings or signings with local book clubs or at shops?

Absolutely. If you are interested in me attending your shop, library, book club meeting or other event please do not hesitate to contact me at platypusringmaster@gmail.com. Furthermore, if you would like any other information, please do not hesitate to contact me at that e-mail address or through the comments section of this blog.

When the book is released I will be offering a free discussion guide and fact sheet to any book groups that wish to use my book as well.

> Am I in your book?

Some mysteries are best solved through exploration. You will have to read and find out for yourself. ;)

_________________________________________________________________________________ 

And now for something completely different, a Scotswoman in a Toyota!

This past week I had the pleasure of driving down in my car, Hotpocket the Gutless Wonder, and visiting quite a few lovely people in Southern Idaho. It really was rather splendid catching up with all of you that I had a chance to see!

However, there were several times on my trip that I looked around me, like a deer might look at an oncoming crashing biplane, as I uttered, "Only in Idaho..."

The first time I had this feeling I was driving through one of many itty-bitty, blink and you miss them, would be a perfect setting for a horror film, towns. I was chugging along at the reduced town speed of 25 miles an hour, when I happened to look up and see something that almost made me steer off of the road.

A hawk flew extremely low over my car, obviously struggling, with a rather large barn-cat clutched in its claws. The hawk looked extremely confused and a little scared as it tried to keep control over one very angry kitty who was ferociously clawing its would-be predator. Feathers rained down from on high like strange confetti as I passed underneath them. Welcome to Idaho!

Then there was the fact that I was almost late for an appointment because I got stuck behind not one, not two, but four tractors on an eight-mile stretch of road.

At one juncture, I was visiting some friends, and one of them had just bought a new handgun and was showing off his new (unloaded) purchase. Another one of my friends, who is a woman with a PhD might I add, was holding someone's baby and ended up holding the gun as well.

This woman, who is one of the most intelligent women I know, stood there barefoot, holding a baby on one hip and a gun in her other hand as she said, "Yeah, the weight on this one isn't terrible, the sights seem a bit off, though."

I also pulled up beside a woman in my car, who appeared to be eating a potato like a candy bar. Now if that's not stereotypical Idaho, I don't know what is.

In any case, it was marvelous getting to sojourn that direction, and thank you all for your wonderful hospitality! I wish you all a more fantastic week than the thought of a thousand German Shepherd puppies running in formation to the tune of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water!"

Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus

I have a book coming out! Yes, you read correctly, an actual page-and-binding construct that will be big enough to help you fend off a rabid squirrel if you should happen to meet one! 

My book, Life is a Circus Run By a Platypus, has been selected for publication by Sweatshoppe Publications!!! 

Here are the answers to the questions you might (or might not, this is a bit of a Schrodinger moment) be asking: 

> What is this book about? 

Well, here is the blurb from the back of the book: 

Has being late to work due to dancing clowns ever been a problem for you? Have you ever had to defend yourself against a giant iguana? Does the overture to “The Music Man” make you violently twitch? 

In Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus readers are immersed into what it would be like to live every day as if a herd of ballerinas were chasing you, without the inconvenience of actually having to run. This collection of truly bizarre short stories taken from the author, Allison Hawn’s, life takes one across the world and into the strangest crevices of civilization. The lessons learned through her adventures might very well save the reader if they too ever have to face birthing a cow, calming distraught technical support or death by furniture. 

> Well that sounds swell, when and where will the book be released? 

It will be available May 20th on Amazon.com and through the Sweatshoppe Publications website (http://sweatshoppepublications.com/). In the following week it will also be available through Barnes and Noble, Ingram and various other bookstores. A full list will be provided closer to the actual release date.

  > If there were a war between bears and unicorns, who would win? 

Unicorns, undoubtedly. 

> If I have questions about the book, media kits, or am having a minor existential crisis, how do I contact you?
  
The best way currently contact me is through commenting on this webpage or through my e-mail at platypusringmaster@gmail.com, I welcome any and all questions (but cannot guarantee a satisfactory answer to all your existential conundrums). Also feel free to follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

Stay tuned, same Bat-time same Bat-channel, as this is my official website, for more details. I will be running contests, providing you with sneak previews and have extra book related content here in the near future. Thank you all!