Weighing In

Well greetings ya'll, I hope you are all enjoying the long weekend and that no one has lit themselves on fire with a barbecue yet (I only say these things because I care... and because if you did light yourself on fire I want pictures).

I want to remind all of you who will be in Spokane that I will be having a book signing for Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus at Monkeyboy Books from 1 to 3 pm on June 8th. So, if you are anywhere in the near vicinity, feel free to stop by and say hello!

I had someone recently ask me about my opinion on the comment that Abercrombie and Fitch's CEO, Mike Jeffries, made to the media. I decided that instead of going into a red-faced rant of little Scottish woman rage in their presence, I would alternatively sit down, have a cup of tea and put my thoughts here.

If you haven't heard the inflammatory remark made by Mike Jeffries that has lit up the internet like a 10,000 watt string of Christmas lights in the past couple of weeks, here it is again for you, “In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids…. A lot of people don’t belong in our clothes, and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

However, if you look at Abercrombie and Fail's advertising it's apparent even the "cool kids" don't belong in their clothing either, because none of their models ever appear to be wearing any of it.

I mean, for a clothing and fashion store you'd think that you'd want at least one full article of clothing in the ad. If I were to guess, purely off of their advertisements, what Abercrombie and Fitch is selling, I would assume depression or constipated models (I'm pretty sure this guy's expression is, "What I wouldn't give for a pizza right now.").

The fact is, I am definitely not Abercrombie and Fitch material. I'm a weightlifter, boxer and cardio enthusiast, and I'm pretty sure that there is no way on this carbon laden planet that I could ever squeeze my shoulders into any of their women's shirts. I'm not entirely sure I'd even fit into their guys shirts without having this effect:

In a single weight lifting session I lift a combined weight of anywhere from a half to a full ton of weight, and because of that this man believes I am too ugly and unpopular to shop in his stores.

I'm going to let that sink in for a second, the living California Cabbage Patch Doll thinks I am too ugly to shop in his stores.

It greatly saddens me that we live in a time where "beauty" is not equatable to "health," and I'm not just talking about women. In our society there is such an expectation for both men and women to look like a certain kind of person. The fact is that aside for the .01% that do, most of us are incapable of looking like the models we so aspire to be.

The average female American model is over 5'8" tall and weighs somewhere between 108 and 125 pounds. I, personally, bench press more than that as a warm-up weight. Now, some women are naturally that thin and that is their version of healthy. The average American woman over 20 years of age, however, is between 5'4" and 5'6" and weighs around 165 pounds, and that doesn't take into account differences in genetic background whatsoever.

The average male American model is made entirely of steak, sunless tanner and hair gel (o.k. that might not be scientific, but I got tired of looking up statistics).

Do you want to know the trick to being permanently model thin? Have two equally thin parents, and don't eat your Wheaties (or any carbs, sugar or dense air for that matter).

The point I want to make is that allowing the fashion industry to railroad us into what we consider beautiful not only destroys our views of healthy body image, but it also limits us in who we find attractive.

I may not have long legs, perfect nails or the ability to squeeze myself into a dress that looks like it was made for a pipe-cleaner doll, but I have fantastic skin, dramatic curves and usable muscle that I have worked my butt off to get. I'm certain there are those who do not find me attractive, and that is fine by me, but I don't want to be limited by someone simply because they are comparing me to a A&F model.

Every person on this planet has things that make them uniquely attractive to someone else, and by setting the "gold and tan" standard we limit those we can find attractive and dull our abilities to find people we genuinely can build a relationship with.

Guys, really, it's ok if your abs don't look like you're smuggling pythons under your shirt.

Girls, really, you can be beautiful without living off of a diet of celery and water.

Healthy is far more attractive than steroid enhanced or skeletal any day of the week. Thin, big, short, tall, pale, dark, muscular, tattooed, freckled, scarred... doesn't matter, they are all beautiful and appealing to someone in some way. And if Ambercrombie and Flop can't see the beauty of each and every potential customer that walks through their doors, then they don't deserve even the "exclusive" clientele they wish to reach.

As always feel free to follow me on my daily adventures on Twitter, Goodreads, Facebook!!!

Idaho, Answers and News! Oh My!

Good evening ladies, gentlemen and any magically literate insects who might be buzzing about.  I hope everyone is having a marvelous Saturday!

I have been receiving quite a few comments and questions regarding my book, Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus, which is set to be released next month. In fact, I just sent back the final draft of the manuscript with my personal seal of approval today!

First of all, thank you all for your wonderful comments and support, it truly warms my heart more than the thought of kittens in mittens delivering hot chocolate. You are all fabulous!

There have been quite a few questions swirling around the upcoming book, and quite a few of them have had a common theme. So to dispel any confusion and kill about 40 birds with one keyboard, I wish to provide some answers to the most frequently asked questions I have received.

> Will there be a e-book format of the book offered?

Yes. The print version of the book itself is set to be released on May 20, and the e-book version should be available through Amazon.com within the next couple of weeks. It will also be released through Barnes and Noble and Ingram's in the following weeks as well.

> Will it be available for pre-order? 

Sadly no, but the book will be available in less than a month!

> Would you be willing to have book readings or signings with local book clubs or at shops?

Absolutely. If you are interested in me attending your shop, library, book club meeting or other event please do not hesitate to contact me at platypusringmaster@gmail.com. Furthermore, if you would like any other information, please do not hesitate to contact me at that e-mail address or through the comments section of this blog.

When the book is released I will be offering a free discussion guide and fact sheet to any book groups that wish to use my book as well.

> Am I in your book?

Some mysteries are best solved through exploration. You will have to read and find out for yourself. ;)

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And now for something completely different, a Scotswoman in a Toyota!

This past week I had the pleasure of driving down in my car, Hotpocket the Gutless Wonder, and visiting quite a few lovely people in Southern Idaho. It really was rather splendid catching up with all of you that I had a chance to see!

However, there were several times on my trip that I looked around me, like a deer might look at an oncoming crashing biplane, as I uttered, "Only in Idaho..."

The first time I had this feeling I was driving through one of many itty-bitty, blink and you miss them, would be a perfect setting for a horror film, towns. I was chugging along at the reduced town speed of 25 miles an hour, when I happened to look up and see something that almost made me steer off of the road.

A hawk flew extremely low over my car, obviously struggling, with a rather large barn-cat clutched in its claws. The hawk looked extremely confused and a little scared as it tried to keep control over one very angry kitty who was ferociously clawing its would-be predator. Feathers rained down from on high like strange confetti as I passed underneath them. Welcome to Idaho!

Then there was the fact that I was almost late for an appointment because I got stuck behind not one, not two, but four tractors on an eight-mile stretch of road.

At one juncture, I was visiting some friends, and one of them had just bought a new handgun and was showing off his new (unloaded) purchase. Another one of my friends, who is a woman with a PhD might I add, was holding someone's baby and ended up holding the gun as well.

This woman, who is one of the most intelligent women I know, stood there barefoot, holding a baby on one hip and a gun in her other hand as she said, "Yeah, the weight on this one isn't terrible, the sights seem a bit off, though."

I also pulled up beside a woman in my car, who appeared to be eating a potato like a candy bar. Now if that's not stereotypical Idaho, I don't know what is.

In any case, it was marvelous getting to sojourn that direction, and thank you all for your wonderful hospitality! I wish you all a more fantastic week than the thought of a thousand German Shepherd puppies running in formation to the tune of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water!"