My Books

Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus

Has being late to work due to dancing clowns ever been a problem for you? Have you ever had to defend yourself against a giant iguana? Does the overture to "The Music Man" make you violently twitch?

In "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" readers are immersed into what it would be like to live every day as if a herd of ballerinas were chasing you, without the inconvenience of actually having to run.

This collection of truly bizarre short stories taken from the author, Allison Hawn’s, life takes one across the world and into the strangest crevices of civilization. The lessons learned through her adventures might very well save the reader if they too ever have to face birthing a cow, calming distraught technical support or death by furniture.

Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor 

 Life is never boring when you’re a human magnet for the bizarre.

For Allison Hawn, owning a cursed car, being attacked by a man wielding a foam sword, or having to battle an evil pony could manifest on any day ending in “y.”

These truly hilarious tales provide both bookworms and casual glimpsers with important life lessons, such as what to do if a woman dressed as a cat refuses to get off the roof of your vehicle. 

You’re welcome.

Life is a Roller Derby Run by a Sphinx

Some people refurbish classic cars, others make quaint quilts, and a few still gather together to play Dungeons and Dragons in basements.

Author Allison Hawn doesn’t have time for these pursuits. Instead, she spends her days dodging every weird, dangerous and surreal happening that the universe can fling in her direction. Follow Allison on her “bizarre magnet” life as she narrowly escapes the clutches of a giant territorial raccoon, barely avoids death by “burrito bomb” and pulls off the chocolate heist of the century.

Find a hilarious escape from your reality by stepping into hers.

Free the Shorts!

Are you having a rough day? Have you spent the day wishing you could high five someone in the face with your laptop? Are you currently contemplating if it would actually be harmful to exceed the recommended daily dose of ibuprofen?

Then it sounds like you might need a little dose of laughter from humorist Allison Hawn! This free collection of true stories from the human magnet of all things bizarre in the universe is sure to make your day a bit less grim. With four brand new stories and two previously published tales, you are sure to giggle, smirk and guffaw. So escape from reality for a bit and snag a copy of Free the Shorts!