Saturday, October 19, 2013

Can it be Called a Death Bed if You're on the Floor?

Hello everyone! (Yes, even those who dare to say that Batman is not a superhero.)

I hope your weeks have been supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Mine was... somewhat... less than that?

I discovered a fact about myself a long time ago: If I am going to get sick, it will never be "a case of the sniffles" or "a low grade fever and some body aches."

No, if I get sick it will start quietly and progress until I look like, and have all the functioning capabilities of, this:

This week I managed to catch something that, like a terrible romance novel, swept me off my feet, and unlike said cheesy book, then pile drove me into the floor.

I was totally fine, until I really, really wasn't. One minute I was sitting in my apartment after work prepping for the next day, the next I found myself on the bathroom floor in this position:

Except, I was far less adorable, I promise. This is where I spent most of Monday night.

At one point during the night I was joined by my cat, Voodoo, who preceded to give me a very inspirational pep talk. I was so sick at that point that it took me a full five minutes to remember that cats can't talk, and this was probably not a good sign.  She had some excellent points though.

I spent the next several days unable to consume much of anything. My biggest triumph in three days was being able to digest water.

Of course, as with all experiences, I learned some important lessons from my little week of sub-human existence.

First off, if you repeatedly try to turn off a light and it refuses to get darker in your room, then the conclusion you must reach is that it is daylight outside and the light is, in fact, the sun. You really should stop fiddling with the light switch and go back to bed.

Don't watch Batman cartoons, cheesy crime shows (such as "Murder, She Wrote," don't judge, Angela Lansbury is awesome) and then a short documentary on medieval armor in tandem. You will have some weird dreams (apparently Angela Lansbury is really good at driving the Batmobile in chain mail, though).

 I also learned that the most dangerous thing for a sick person is to have in her or his apartment at the same time is a fly and two very active kitties.

On day two of my quarantine from civilization, I awoke to find a giant fly doing little circles above my head. I also quickly realized that on either side of my head were my cats, who were staring at the fly with murderous intent.

It took me a couple seconds to realize the predicament that I was in, and by then it was too late.

I now have the little kitty scratches to prove that they did indeed kill that fly.

Thankfully I am back in the world of the living and able to digest food at this point. We shall see what kind of craziness this next week brings as I return to work.

One positive of being sick is that it gave me some time to think of some new contest ideas (which, of course, means free stuff for people). Details will be soon to follow, I promise.

I hope everyone has a flu/cold/death-illness free week! Remember if you wish to follow my exploits on a more consistently posted basis you can follow me on Twitter, Goodreads and Facebook!

No comments:

Post a Comment