Friday, July 11, 2014

Nope, It's Just My Face...

Hello all, I hope your weeks have been more splendid than the thought of Pacman being played by a drunk orangutan!

I'm actually really proud of myself for spelling orangutan correctly on the first try without using spell check.

This week, I feel the need to bring attention to an issue that affects thousands of people all over the world. This condition creates confusion, upset and general misconceptions, but will never be given its own sad Sarah Mclachlan song.

Yes, I too occasionally suffer from Resting Bitch Face.

RBF is when someone has a neutral expression that makes them seem less than enthused with their surroundings. Oftentimes the thoughts in that person's head go no deeper than, "Do I want tacos or a enchiladas for lunch today?" but their facial expression looks kind of like this:

This Is Just My Face
So on behalf of everyone else who sometimes suffers from RBF, here are some things that we would like to say to you:  

1. No, I'm not angry or upset.

I am thinking, processing  or spacing out, if I were angry I would probably say something. However, if you ask me 34 times if I am angry then eventually my answer will be "yes."

2. It physically hurts to smile for long periods of time.

No really. I once had a book signing that lasted for four hours, my face was actually sore afterwards. I have a friend who literally can only get one half of her mouth to smile at a time!

3. I am excited!

Just because I don't jump around like a pekingese on crack doesn't mean that I don't think that the newest superhero film isn't going to be cool. I do!

4. Yes, I'm sure that I do look really intense at the gym.

Oftentimes at the gym I'm lifting somewhere between 95 and 300 pounds, so I think intense is justified. Also, I don't wear my glasses to the gym, so I'm intently trying to figure out whether I'm being approached by a human or an alien blob.

5. I'm kidding.

If I say something that sounds like nothing a rational person would say, I'm kidding. Just because I don't immediately follow every one of my lines with a self-induced chuckle doesn't mean that I'm serious.

6. Nope, really this is just my neutral face and not a cry for help.

I was actually thinking about how they make Chex mix, but now I guess we're going to launch into a ten-minute debate over whether I'm really okay or not. I preferred thinking about Chex mix.

7. Stop asking me to smile all the time.

I do my fair share of smiling. If I have a reason to smile, I will smile. It is only some weird Stepford-Wives-ish society that thinks women have to be smiling all the time. 

Has anyone else had some interesting experiences with their own RBF? If so drop a comment below and other RBF sufferers know that they aren't alone in their struggle to not seem like they are ready to murder something.

As always you can find me on Facebook, Twitter (@AllisonHawn) and Goodreads!

No comments:

Post a Comment