Adventures in Idaho!!! (And the Evil Potato Coffee)

Hello all, I hope you had more fantastic weeks than the thought of a hundred corgis dancing to the sound of iced-tea being stirred.

Well first off, I want to send out a titanic thank you to everyone who came out for the book signing in Boise! I had an absolute blast! It was great talking with old friends and making some new ones.

Thank you also to Hyde Park Books for hosting such an awesome event!

If you missed me the first time around, I will probably be back in Boise for another book signing once "Life is a Pirate Ship Run by a Velociraptor" is released!

I am also excited to announce that I have a book signing coming up in Spokane as well!

On June 28th at noon there will be a Triple Threat Book Signing event at Auntie's Bookstore! I will be joining two other authors, Su Williams and Katelyn Schneider, for a book signing bonanza right in the center of Hoopfest! So, if you happen to be in Spokane, please join us!

Well, I had a moment where I decided to live my hair color over the weekend, and, because I have no sense of personal shame, I thought I'd let you all learn from my mistakes.

My first mistake was thinking that I could get drinkable gas station coffee. Granted, I wasn't expecting the coffee to taste like it was roasted by the coffee gods themselves, but I thought I could at least get something palatable, right?

Oh how wrong I was.

I was filling up the tank of La Grange (my truck) in Pendleton, Oregon outside possibly the largest gas station mini-mart I had ever seen when I got a serious case of the "tireds." I had four hours left of my seven hour drive and if I was going to make it, without attempting to introduce my truck to some road barriers, I was going to need a pick-me-up. 

The first thing I noticed when I entered the mini-mart was an entire wall of swords. No, I'm not kidding, swords.

If the zombie apocalypse happens, this will be my gas station.

Because after all, who doesn't go to the gas station mini-mart and think, "I'm traveling through rural Oregon, you know what I need? Swords." 

I wandered past the display of medieval weaponry and headed for the coffee machine only to find that it was broken. 

In my desperate need for caffeine I invested $1.23 in what the machine I got this concoction from claimed was a "Cappuccino."

Apparently "Cappuccino" at the "Swords-R-Us" gas station mini-mart meant, "Tastes like a sugary potato."

I kid you not, this was the most spud flavored coffee I have ever tasted. Headed down the road I choked down about three sips before I admitted defeat. There was no way I could drink this "Crappuccino."

As the substance began to sit in my truck, I noticed that my ride had a certain "rotten sugar potato" smell to it. Of course, I decided to get rid of the sad attempt at coffee.

How does one normally get rid of a liquid substance while traveling down the road? You dump it out the window of course!

What I failed to take into account is that this is a course of action I usually take when I am driving through town at 25 miles per hour. I was going around 70.

I rolled down my window and...

Yup, coated the entire side of my truck in potato coffee.

That is how I found myself at the gas station in Kennewick frantically scrubbing the side of my car with one of those windshield washer scrapey dealies as people stared on like I possibly needed to take my medication.

What lessons did this adventure teach me?

1. One should never forget the physics involved in liquids and 70 mph travel.

2. It's really hard to change lanes when you can't check your blind spot because of "potato coffee" smudges.

3. "Potato Coffee" would be an awesome band name.

If you want to keep up with my crazy, check it out on Facebook, Twitter (@AllisonHawn) and Goodreads!

A Very Merry Unbirthday Contest

Hello everyone! I hope you have all had splendidly awesome weeks!

This week Normally Surreal turns one year old! You know what that means?

As a way to say thank you to all of my followers, commentators and people who ended up here by mistake, I have decided to run a little contest.

It is true that it is difficult to write well, but it can be just has hard to write terribly. That is why there are contests, such as the famed Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, to find people who can skillfully craft a terrible work of fiction.

For instance the 2011 winner of the Bulwer-Lytton won with this entry:

"Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories." — Sue Fondrie, Oshkosh, WI

Human/Velociraptor Not Included

The rules of this contest are simple, write one terrible opening line to a story and post it in the comments below or on the contest announcement pinned to the top of my Facebook page. Two weeks from now, I will pick a winner to receive a signed copy of "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus!"

So show me your creative writing side, and don't worry if it's bad, that's the point!

Thanks again to everyone who has followed me through the bizarre journey that is my life for the past year! You guys are more fantastic than the thought of a thousand wombats playing "Carry on My Wayward Son" on harmonicas!

As always, feel free to follow my exploits on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!

To Infinity and Beyond

Hello all you lovely folks! I hope your week was more fabulously bizarre than the thought of William Shatner tangoing with Cher.

I'm not going to lie, I spent an hour of my day at work traveling around the offices using only a rolling chair for transportation. My boss has never been so proud that she hired me, I'm sure. 

I want to give a quick shout out to the lovely group of ladies who hosted "Life is a Circus Run by a Platypus" and I at their book club this past Tuesday. It was wonderful chatting with everyone! Thank you all for reading!

This week I had the opportunity to interview science fiction author George Sirois who wrote this tome:

George Sirois' "Excelsior" has everything young, and older, science fiction fans could ask for. It has an underdog hero, evil alien villains, interplanetary space travel and enough room for a readers' imaginations to run rampant. "Excelsior" tells the story of an unlikely hero, Matthew, who finds himself thrown into a role much bigger than he could ever have dreamed. Readers who enjoyed books like Gary Paulsen's "The Transall Saga"or Christopher Paolini's "Eragon" will find "Excelsior" worth their time.

So, without too much more meandering, an interview with George Sirois.

1. Where did you find inspiration for writing "Excelsior?"

I started developing this character in 1992, after seeing the 1981 John Boorman movie Excalibur. I'd been working on a group of characters since 1985 and wanted to add someone new. He was to be a mythic figure, a god made into human form, with a sword. I took elements of Jesus Christ, King Arthur and my childhood hero, Optimus Prime. I always loved the word "Excelsior" - it's on the New York state flag, it's featured in Star Trek III, IV and VI, Stan Lee uses it to end his Marvel Comics bulletins - and it seemed to be the right name for someone like him.

2. Did you base your main character, Matthew, off of anyone specific, is he conglomeration of multiple people or was he entirely imagined?

Matthew was a combination of myself and my cousin, Matthew Peter Henkel. He passed away in 2005, and he was always a hero to me, having dealt with cancer and then going on to be an Eagle Scout, a volunteer firefighter and an EMT. I wanted to honor Matt by naming my main character after him, and I used elements from my own childhood for earlier moments, when the character Matthew was unsure of himself and his abilities. 

3. What music did you listen to while writing these adventures?

 Mainly film scores. I've been a fan of them all my life and I put together a special playlist of songs from Thirteen Days and Dark City by Trevor Jones, Hoffa by David Newman, Clear and Present Danger by James Horner, Transformers by Steve Jablonsky and King Arthur by Hans Zimmer. 

4. The planet on which most of your plot unfolds is called Denab IV, what happened to Denab's I, II and III?

Denab I, II and III still exist. They're the three closest planets to the sun of that star system. When Excelsior first created the system, he chose the fourth planet to be the "jewel" of all the planets of Denab, the only one that could sustain life.

5. If you could play Mario Kart with one other character from "Excelsior," which one would you want to play against and why?

I would play against Nick, the bully that pursues Matthew's friend Thomas. He's someone worth playing just so he can be humiliated. I enjoyed writing the villainous Krunations, especially General Hodera, Danaak and Nocterar. But I hated Nick for the kind of guy he was.

6. This book is billed as being for young readers. Have you found that has actually been your main audience thus far, or have you had an equal or greater amount of adult readers as well?

There's been a good mix. I never wanted to say "you've never seen anything like this before," because I already know that you have. At least the men and women of my generation have seen this kind of story before. It's my take on Campbell's "Hero's Journey," but younger readers aren't as familiar with that template and when I recently spoke to a grade school classroom, I could sense a great deal of enthusiasm from the kids. 

7. What was the most difficult part about writing "Excelsior?"

Accepting the fact that every chapter is not perfect after its initial writing. 

8. What other works do you think fed into your writing style the most?

 Great question. I grew up reading a lot of movie tie-in adaptations, and I've always felt that my style was very cinematic. I see my stories as movies that I don't have the budget to put on the big screen. 

9. If you had to choose between fending off an angry mongoose with nothing but a broken waffle iron or read all of the "Twilight" series in English, Swahili and Portuguese to the sounds of iced tea being stirred, which would you choose?

Bring it on, Mongoose!!!

If you are interested in "Excelsior" you can find it here, Amazon and for the Nook or if you are interested in finding out more about George Sirois you can follow this link.

As always, if you want to follow my day to day escapades you can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads!